I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Thursday, June 27, 2002


The Loss of Elevator Drama

Coming back from lunch today, it suddenly dawned on me that soon, elevators will lose any dramatic use in modern movies. They've just gotten too safe. It's gotten to be that a slight breeze blows past the closing doors, and they'll open back up for 5 seconds. And don't even get me started on the close doors button.

Never will you see in comedies, someone late for work running to the elevator, and sliding into the car just as the doors are about close, catching the eye of the studious, but obviously hot coworker. Instead the doors will open up again, and the young businessman would just look like a tool.

Never will you see in action/horror movies, a chase scene, where the the person running away sees the doors closing in front of them 15 feet away, and they get away from the killer just in time as the doors close, maybe even reaching through trying to grab the victim. Instead, the doors will open up again, and the victim will have his or her throat slit.

Finally, never will you see anymore quickies in a Skinemax type of movie. Every elevator will soon come equipped with cameras, the elevators get to the 60th floor in like 4 seconds, and I swear the stop switch puts up an alarm somewhere.

Sure, safety's important, but at the expense of entertainment? That sucks. Just think about it.

posted by Holz | 12:55 PM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (0)


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The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
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"It's trying to end the suffering of everything. Do you want to discuss our options? Maybe together we can, you know, workshop?"

"Okay, best way to stop a ten-story godlike monster from destroying existence? I'm gonna go with hitting, you have anything?"

"You took mine."

Wesley and Angel, Angel: After The Fall #15

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Name: Holz
Home: Sonoma County, California
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Ozymandias, DrOzymandias, Darth Angelus, Darque Feonix, Trip McNeely
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"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole."
100 Bullets #42