I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Wednesday, July 17, 2002


I Miss My Cheese

While I had alot of fun during my entire vacation back east, probably my best memory will be seeing Velveeta play one last time at the Crowbar. Sadly, Clove played three hours earlier than expected, so we completely missed 'em, and I was too hammered off of my Red Bull and Jagers to go see The Violent Femmes at 2am. Thankfully, the cheesy 80's music satiated my need to act like a complete fool in front of many-a-hot-chick. What can I say, I'm a sadist. Anyway, the band has alot of shots up on their website, and there a few I can be seen being completely oblivious that there's a camera, and another where it looks like I'm preparing to punch Katie in the face. But I didn't. At least I don't remember doing it. There's also a cute pic of Tom and Kel in the front row. Okay, Kel looks cute, the Luscious One just looks like someone's shoved a beer bottle in an uncomfortable place. At least he's looking fly in his $400 glasses (and you say I spend friviolously?).

I had a hard time today not choosing a criminal for the Dumbass of the Day because there were quite a few out there to pick from. Instead, I chose a California Repuglican (sic) running for Governor. Let the jokes ensue.

Oh, I was supposed to tell ya' about the fireplace poker at midnight incident. Well first lemme tell ya' about a little thing that happened to me in Vegas over Spring Break this year. Well, my friend Michelle flew home back to New York a day or two before the rest of us left... and she had left with my set of keys in her purse (I had put 'em in there, because hey, if a chick's gonna carry around a bag, I'm gonna empty my pockets) ... hmmm... I wonder if that sentence came off a little misogynistic. I wonder if misogynistic is even the right word. Anyway, moving on, she was able to FedEx 'em to me the day after I got back, but I had to crash at a friend's place for a night.

So, flash forward to my next vacation, and wouldn't you know it, I leave my keys (as well as my checkbook and lucky lighter) in a drawer at my parent's place (which by the way, is so weird to not call home anymore, but that's another blog). I was determined not to be locked out again, so there I am at midnight, in front of my door, trying to figure out a way to get in. For some reason I still had an ice scraper in my car (which, come on, like I'll ever need that in Marin) so I'm there reaching through my teeny tiny mail slot, trying to flip the deadbolt. I'm just about to get it, when the ice scrapper flies outta my hand and slams agaisnt the wall and drops inside on the floor. I should apologize to the town of Larkspur for cursing that loudly at midnight on a Sunday. Now, thankfully, my neighbor came home at just that time (and nearly runs over my heavy-ass suitcase which was in his parking space). For the next half hour we try everything to get in. At one point he brought out a plastic hanger (no metal ones... which by the way, I don't have any metal ones either) and a blowtorch and tried to create a long hook thing, but being plastic, it was pretty fruitless. Then we tried to get in through my bathroom window... no luck there.. Finally, he goes back inside and brings out a solid metal fireplace poker. He then proceeds to bend solid steel over his knee. There are definate advantages to having Superman live next door. So he slips it in, gets the hook just right and flips the deadbolt. Ta-da! He just saved me a like $150 in hotel fees.

posted by Holz | 5:27 PM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (0)


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Right Now I'm Probably...
Lost, Heroes, 24, Criminal Minds
Brobdingnagian Bards
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
Final Fantasy XII
Running... hopefully
My Amazon.com Wish List
Comic Quote of the Week
"It's trying to end the suffering of everything. Do you want to discuss our options? Maybe together we can, you know, workshop?"

"Okay, best way to stop a ten-story godlike monster from destroying existence? I'm gonna go with hitting, you have anything?"

"You took mine."

Wesley and Angel, Angel: After The Fall #15

Who Am I?
Name: Holz
Home: Sonoma County, California
About Me: I'm a comfortador.
See my complete profile

Ozymandias, DrOzymandias, Darth Angelus, Darque Feonix, Trip McNeely
Kicking ass for:
29 years
UWing Systems Design Specialist
Walking Theme:
Believe It Or Not by Joey Scarbury
Most watched movie:
The Princess Bride
Most read book:
The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King

Where Do I Go?
Blogs I Will Most Likely Steal Ideas From
The Past
Some of My Favorite Entries
"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole."
100 Bullets #42