I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Stove-Top: 3. Holz: 0  

For the third time in which I can remember, I've had a stove-top disaster. And the funny thing about all three is that none of them really entail cooking of any kind. The first two disasters occured while I was living with Tomothy... I'm sure he hasn't forgotten either.

The first accident can best be described as smoky. I had this brilliant idea to duct-tape our potholders to the cover over the stove, so they'd always be on hand. If I remember correctly, I think it actually worked for about 2 days. Then I accidently left a burner on a low simmer one afternoon. The little heat that was being let off made the potholder fall down, directly onto the burner. Thankfully, I was at home, so I was able to divert anything more than a smoke-filled apartment.

The second accident can best be described as messy. I went through a phase where I was obsessed with candles... I suppose I still got a couple remnants left. Anyway, I decided to melt a shitload of candle wax on the stove top. Not a problem. Then I decided to pour it into a plastic container. It lasted about 4 seconds. Then the plastic just melted into nothing, and the wax spread everywhere. We were finding bits of wax in our stove for months.

Which brings us to tonight, which can best be described as... hot. I wanted to clean up my stove top, and I find it easiest to boil some water in the teapot, and pouring it over the mess. Lazy, but efficient. Thing was, I forgot about the water. 'Bout an hour later, the smoke alarm's going off. I run out to the kitchen, and see that the teapot has gone from it's original cherry red color to a dark blood red color. I turn the stove off, and try to take it off the burner, but it had melded to it. The handles have melted apart.

I don't even know why roommates allow me to even operate a stove.

Hey, this is Tom. I do remember the candles. That was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen. Oh, and Amanda, if you are reading this...how u doin?

posted by Holz | 9:25 PM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (0)


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Right Now I'm Probably...
Lost, Heroes, 24, Criminal Minds
Brobdingnagian Bards
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
Final Fantasy XII
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My Amazon.com Wish List
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"It's trying to end the suffering of everything. Do you want to discuss our options? Maybe together we can, you know, workshop?"

"Okay, best way to stop a ten-story godlike monster from destroying existence? I'm gonna go with hitting, you have anything?"

"You took mine."

Wesley and Angel, Angel: After The Fall #15

Who Am I?
Name: Holz
Home: Sonoma County, California
About Me: I'm a comfortador.
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Ozymandias, DrOzymandias, Darth Angelus, Darque Feonix, Trip McNeely
Kicking ass for:
29 years
UWing Systems Design Specialist
Walking Theme:
Believe It Or Not by Joey Scarbury
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The Princess Bride
Most read book:
The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King

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Some of My Favorite Entries
"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole."
100 Bullets #42