I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Wednesday, July 03, 2002


Can Someone Direct Me To The Land of the Blind?

...I heard they're looking for a king

As many of you know, I get injured doing the stupidest things. I run into walls constantly. I pull my back out going to the bathroom. And do I even have to mention the NFL Blitz incident? But two days ago, I did something I never even thought was possible even for me. I'm up in my laundry room, getting all my stuff together to do a simple load, when something happens that can only be described as sitcom-y. I reach up for my huge economy size detergent, and pull it down, when I accidently bump into someone else's bottle, and it tips of the cabinet. I reach out and try and keep it from falling, but of course, lacking any semblance of hand eye coordination, I begin bobbling it around.

That's when I realize the bottle cap isn't screwed on too well, and the bleach is flying around out of it. It gets all over my shirt, and somehow, even with glasses on, it gets directly in my left eye. For about 3 seconds, I'm okay, barely notice it, I'm just so pissed at myself for acting like a French waiter. Then the searing pain hits me. Trust me when I tell you bleach in the eye will make you curse like you never have before in your life. And I curse like a drunken sailor every day.

Now, thankfully, I had already started running the washing machine, so what do I do? I put my entire head into the washing machine and just start cupping the rushing water and splashing it into my eye, cursing between every splash. After about 2 minutes, I quit with the Jerry Lewis routine, the machine half filled with water by now, my entire upper half drenched, and my eye finally feeling a little better. I'm finally fine now, no problems, but damn was that a frightful 5 minutes.

Oh, just to give a heads up, last night's bowling extravaganza went pretty much how I thought it would. I sucked beyond belief. 113, 127, and a 91 to finish. But I am happy about that 127, any time I break 120, I count that as a victory.

Anyway, the Dumbass of the Day hails from Indiana. Not too stupid... but just stupid enough to get the award.

posted by Holz | 11:48 AM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (0)


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Right Now I'm Probably...
Lost, Heroes, 24, Criminal Minds
Brobdingnagian Bards
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
Final Fantasy XII
Running... hopefully
My Amazon.com Wish List
Comic Quote of the Week
"It's trying to end the suffering of everything. Do you want to discuss our options? Maybe together we can, you know, workshop?"

"Okay, best way to stop a ten-story godlike monster from destroying existence? I'm gonna go with hitting, you have anything?"

"You took mine."

Wesley and Angel, Angel: After The Fall #15

Who Am I?
Name: Holz
Home: Sonoma County, California
About Me: I'm a comfortador.
See my complete profile

Ozymandias, DrOzymandias, Darth Angelus, Darque Feonix, Trip McNeely
Kicking ass for:
29 years
UWing Systems Design Specialist
Walking Theme:
Believe It Or Not by Joey Scarbury
Most watched movie:
The Princess Bride
Most read book:
The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King

Where Do I Go?
Blogs I Will Most Likely Steal Ideas From
The Past
Some of My Favorite Entries
"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole."
100 Bullets #42