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Thursday, December 02, 2004

Dead Babies are Funnier Than Sexist Jokes  

Over at Defense Against the Ninjas, Stan started a thread to post sexist jokes. I think MC Hairtrigger won that match... but anyway, while I'm always a fan of sexist jokes, my personal favorite are dead baby jokes... I actually think my mom made me a fan of them, she always had good ones. So here's a few of my favorites, feel free to add any of your own:

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A1: Rootbeer, two scoops of vanilla ice cream, two scoops of dead baby
A2: Take your foot of its head when your in the pool.

Q: How did the dead baby cross the road?
A: Its head was stapled to the chicken.

Q: What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
A: You can't use a pitch fork to unload the bowling balls.

/for some reason I think I did this before... maybe it was on the BB

posted by Holz | 10:51 AM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (11)


Q: What is worse than running over a baby in a car?
A: Getting it out of the tyres.

Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven. (Unless you slice the baby thinly.)

Q: Why would you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A: To see the expression on its face.

Q: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl?
A: Blender.
Q: How do you get them out again?
A: Pringles.

Q: What is long, stiff, and makes a woman scream in the morning?
A: Cot death.

By Blogger Manchild, at 12/02/2004 1:31 PM  

Either I'm not understanding the nature of this line of jokes or I'm a Puritan... either way I'm not coming near this one.

By Blogger k Man, at 12/02/2004 7:08 PM  

Can you believe it? This is the first time I've heard any dead baby jokes! I was laughing my ass off at these... well, until that last one by Manchild. Ouch, dude.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/02/2004 8:30 PM  

Can you believe it? This is the first time I've heard any dead baby jokes! I was laughing my ass off at these... well, until that last one by Manchild. Ouch, dude!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/02/2004 8:30 PM  

Don't listen to Anon, MC, that last one... man, that is the essence of a dead baby joke... had me and my friend ballin' at our desks

By Blogger Holz, at 12/02/2004 11:32 PM  

It's good to see people moving away from the PC conversations and having some fun.

Q: What's grosser than a pile of dead babies?
A: One on the bottom trying to eat its way out.

By Blogger Stan, at 12/03/2004 4:09 AM  

You make an old woman very proud! I laughed years off - thanks!

Wish I could come up with a dead baby joke to add to the list - but you listed all my favorites - so in the same vein....

"Jesus walked into an inn - slapped three nails down on the counter and said - "Hey - can you put me up for the night"

Sorry - K - had to do it!


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/06/2004 9:46 AM  

Sadly, I don't know many Jesus jokes. (The obvious "You left the light on" and "Save us an easter egg, I'll be back on Sunday...") And then there's these... (Someone should know better ones...)

One morning Jesus went out for a walk, and got knocked down by a speed boat...

Q. Why wouldn't Jesus make a good hockey player?
A. He tends to get nailed to the boards.

Q: What was the last request made of Jesus Christ?
A: Hey, could you cross your legs? I've only got three nails.

GOD to Jesus: I don't care if you are my son, you drop that cross one more time and you're out of the parade!

Jesus makes his second coming in the Middle East, and the people don't believe, so he is asked to perform a miracle. Before the worlds tv cameras, he goes to step on to the water and walk across the sea of Galilee.
He sinks immediately and when he clambers back on to the boat, he's heard to say
(two versions)
1) "Well I didn't have holes in my feet the last time."
2) "Alright, which wise-ass moved the f*cking stones!?"

Jesus asked his apostles, "And you. Who do you say I am?" Peter said to him "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the Kerygma, in whom we find the ultimate meaning for our inter-personal relationships"
And Jesus replied "What??"

By Blogger Manchild, at 12/06/2004 10:19 AM  

This one's from my dad.

What stretches farther, skin or rubber?

Skin. Didn't you ever hear the story where Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked 10 miles?

By Blogger Stan, at 12/07/2004 4:37 AM  

You all are a bunch of sick freaks. I happened to come across this site when looking up a different baby site and could not believe what I was reading. The dead baby jokes are horrible and the Jesus jokes are worse, but God is just and I'm sure you all won't be laughing when you're burning in hell!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/22/2007 12:23 PM  

Q:What do you call a peeled dead baby?

Q:What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A: I don't know about you, but I get an erection.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9/12/2008 6:18 AM  

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