I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Friday, September 24, 2004

End of Days  

So, today is my final day as an actuary.

Let me savor this moment.



In the words of Clark W. Griswold, Hallelujah, Holy Shit! To say that I'm ecstatic about my new career in the catastrophe specialty field would be a disservice to the elation I felt after the elephant of my profession was lifted off my shoulders.

Now, I loved my job. I know alot of my complaining over the past three years may have given you an impression of distaste, but the truth is, I loved the people I worked with, the job was both fun and infuriating at times, and I feel like I contributed a good deal... some people may have other beliefs, but those people can take their calculators (the big graphing kind), turn 'dem sumbitch sideways, and shove 'em up, their candy asses.

Wow, a Rock reference... haven't had one of those come out in a while.

Anyway, while I loved my job, the profession of an actuary just wasn't for me. I've seen it tear marriages apart, and make parents feel guilty for years for not being there for their children, because they were too busy studying, or working late hours for months on end simply to change a few percentage points in the plan. Now, aside from all those reasons... I just hated taking the exams. I could put 250-300 hours into an exam, and still come up short.

Despite what some may think, I'm not a dumb guy. I pick up on things very quickly. High school and college were a breeze. But these were just impossible. To those who simply said to me, it's just a damn test, do some studying and pass, you don't know what you're talking about. My mind did not work in the fashion required; that as soon as I read 60 pages, I knew every single nuance they described... and the truth is, to be an actuary, you gotta be able to do that.

I couldn't.

Am I disappointed? Maybe a little bit... that's three years of my life passed in which I did not advance as far I wanted, nor as far as I could've gone. My bosses... on many levels, not only did I let myself down, I let them down. They invested time and energy into me, when others wanted to cut the rope, and in the end, it was almost for naught.

But you know what... I'm no longer looking backward to dictate the future... that's the actuary mindset, and I no longer have that... if I ever did to begin with.

This is Holz, Fallen Padawan Actuary... signing off.

The future's so bright... I gotta wear shades.

posted by Holz | 2:49 PM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (3)


Hey Holz...

Congrats man! After having left teaching, I felt a lot like you, but the FREE TIME I've got now is just awesome. It sounds like your old job was like mine (incredibly time-consuming). What's the new job? Catastrophe specialty? What's that?

Anyway don't feel bad. You gotta do what's right for you!!!

Best wishes!

By Blogger k Man, at 9/24/2004 5:38 PM  

Yeah man, thats why I'm a landscaper. With my rockin' English degree. Boo yah! Good luck man

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9/24/2004 6:55 PM  

Yeah I know how you feel guys. My passion in life was making rat harnesses, but it was too mentally taxing and emotionally draining. Looking back, I'm glad I ditched the high life in exchange for pharmaceuticals. "I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just gonna find out where they're going and meet up with them later." -Mitch Hedberg

By Blogger Stan, at 9/27/2004 5:58 AM  

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Right Now I'm Probably...
Lost, Heroes, 24, Criminal Minds
Brobdingnagian Bards
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
Final Fantasy XII
Running... hopefully
My Amazon.com Wish List
Comic Quote of the Week
"It's trying to end the suffering of everything. Do you want to discuss our options? Maybe together we can, you know, workshop?"

"Okay, best way to stop a ten-story godlike monster from destroying existence? I'm gonna go with hitting, you have anything?"

"You took mine."

Wesley and Angel, Angel: After The Fall #15

Who Am I?
Name: Holz
Home: Sonoma County, California
About Me: I'm a comfortador.
See my complete profile

Ozymandias, DrOzymandias, Darth Angelus, Darque Feonix, Trip McNeely
Kicking ass for:
29 years
UWing Systems Design Specialist
Walking Theme:
Believe It Or Not by Joey Scarbury
Most watched movie:
The Princess Bride
Most read book:
The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King

Where Do I Go?
Blogs I Will Most Likely Steal Ideas From
The Past
Some of My Favorite Entries
"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole."
100 Bullets #42