I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

TomKat Revealed!  

So, after some discussion over at the Special K board, and the rumor going around about a 5-yr, No-Sex contract, I think I finally know what's going on with the Tom Cruise - Katie Holmes relationship.

Cruise is going into directing... but he's going all out. This is going to be a groundbreaking film. This is the next evolution of the documentary, as well as the celebreality shows ala Punk'd and Kaotic. And if there's anything I've learned from BushCo over the past 5 years, it's that there's nothing better than discussions on religion to cloud the real issue (just like communism, Scientology is a red herring).

Tom Cruise is going to film a 5 year relationship with Katie (but no sex of course, this isn't porn), a combination of home movies, as well as an entertainment magazine clips (picture how Outfoxed did it with clips from Fox News) and there's going to be three acts: the courtship/good times/first year, then the marriage of three years with all the ups and downs, then the final year detailing the brutal divorce. My thoughts on the teaser trailer (attached to the third Batman film, Batman: Knightfall, naturally):

SUMMER, 2010
CRUISE...
HOLMES...

YOU'VE LAUGHED WITH THEIR JOY (documentary shot from Oprah, or their wedding)
YOU'VE CRIED ALONG WITH THEIR PAIN (shot of Katie crying after a 'miscarriage')
YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR IT ALL (quick cameo of Tom crying on Nicole Kidman's shoulder after a car accident with paparazzi)

NOW... SEE IT ALL AGAIN... FOR THE FIRST TIME.

CELEBRITY: A CRUISUMENTARY

You heard it here first... summer 2010, y'all... put your $17.25 aside for your ticket today.

posted by Holz | 5:16 PM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (4)

4 Comments:

YOU REALLY THINK THEY HAVENT SLEPT TOGETHER?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/22/2005 12:41 PM  


Well, seeing as the kisses they share on the red carpet are more forced than the Gere-Foster one in Sommersby, that'd be a no...

By Blogger Holz, at 6/22/2005 12:58 PM  


Get your "Free Katie" t shirt yet?

Jay

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/22/2005 6:45 PM  


http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/24/people.cruise.ap/index.html

Check out htis link regarding an argument Tom had with Matt Lauer on today to see some more insight to this. The part at the bottom on psychiatry and Ritalin is hysterical.

By Blogger Lushy, at 6/24/2005 11:30 AM  


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Right Now I'm Probably...
Watching:
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Wesley and Angel, Angel: After The Fall #15



Who Am I?
Name: Holz
Home: Sonoma County, California
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AKA:
Ozymandias, DrOzymandias, Darth Angelus, Darque Feonix, Trip McNeely
Kicking ass for:
29 years
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UWing Systems Design Specialist
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Believe It Or Not by Joey Scarbury
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The Princess Bride
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The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King


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Blogs I Will Most Likely Steal Ideas From
The Past
Some of My Favorite Entries
"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole."
100 Bullets #42