I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Beef. It's What's For Dinner (and Lunch Today)  

Can't seem to get off the food topic, but something I've been meaning to put up for a while now. First off, I've gotten away from eating alot of beef since I've been out here. At Penn State, I was gobbling down burgers and steaks quite often. My specialty was the Double Double quarter pounder from McD's, ending up with a pound of meat (plus fries). One can only hazard a guess where the skinny freshman frame of the Holzinator went.

Well, I'm more of a chicken man now, especially when I go to fast food. One can sorta fool one's self into thinking that the chicken sandwich is better than the cheeseburger... of course, not by much. But, the truth is, sometimes a guy just craves meat, and that hit me today.

There you go Lushy, a nice lob tossed up for you to hit outta the park.

Anyway, my craving today sent me out to track down a great cheeseburger to scarf down... but where to go? There are numerous locations to choose from... so that takes us to the point.

Holz's Top Five Burger Joints:

Dead Last) McDonald's - Not even gonna rank it, but must be commented on. Adequate in a pinch, but honestly, I can't remember the last time I had a McD's burger. They're thin, the cheese is disgusting, and the buns get stuck in your teeth.

5) Wendy's - I almost always get their Chicken sandwiches, but on occasion I get one of their double-burgers, their tasty. Not very plump, true, but good spices and a healthy amount of lettuce included.

4) Burger King - One would hope the King could live up to it's name, but honestly, for a long time, The Whopper was all they had, and that was mostly toppings piled on. However, they do have the Angus Steak Burger now, so that's a step towards reclaiming the crown. Biggest strike going against it for me is the same problem with McD's, the sesame seed buns. Ugh.

3) Jack in the Box - Seem to be straying away from their burgers, which is a shame. They're crown jewel is the Sourdough Jack, which provides a welcome departure from "normal" buns. But that ain't all, they use probably my favorite cheese on their burgers. Their Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger is a close second favorite from the fast food joint my east coast readers associate most with salmonella. (side comment: they have best menu of any of these places)

2) In-N-Out - For a long time, this was my favorite spot. They make the freshest burgers, the buns are smooth and delicious, and the toppings are almost always crisp. Plus, if you know the secret menu, a 4x4 Animal Style will take you a long way (not that I get that anymore... seriously).

1) Carl's Jr. - Holz's king of the burger joints, hands down. For pure unadulterated joy from eating meat, you can't go wrong. Sure, the burger's are a little pricier, but it's well worth it. These aren't burger's you can eat in the car. Hell, I can barely eat it at my desk without fear of making a huge mess, but that's what makes these slices of heaven so good. My personal favorite (which I just got done eating) is their Bacon and Guacamole Cheeseburger... *drool*-inducing just thinking about it.

/final food thought

I just need to comment on Taco Bell's new ad campaign for their new Big Bell Value menu, which had me bust out loud laughing. Guy comes out of the Bell, raises his hands in celebration, and exclaims, "I'm full!" The line delivery is priceless... although I'm surprised they're going in this angle in the wake of Supersize Me

posted by Holz | 1:17 PM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (6)

6 Comments:

Okay... I can accept this menu for the most part, but I will say a few things:

McDonald's is one of my favorites for the reasons you listed for hating it... I love the cheeseburgers for their flatness and ease in eating while driving and also for the finely diced onions. That said, its not really a "burger" that someone would get meaty satisfaction from.

BK should get some points for the fries, and those points are taken away immediately for the excessive mayo heaped on the Whopper. Blech!

After In-And-Out and Carl's you can say what you will about the others. Oh, and I'm assuming that you're only talking fast food because if you left Islands off intentionally, that is unforgivable.

Also-- the comment about Carls? Really supports the overly-hyped 'If it doesn't get all over the place.." campaign. Knock it off, please-- I don't want that coming back!!

By Blogger bmh, at 6/30/2004 4:53 PM  


I really hate Carl's myself. I don't like the meat or the buns. I would put In n Out first followed by Fatburger (skinny or fat fries, and I can have bacon and a fried egg on my burger, how cool!), then Jack (Bacon ultimate cheeseburger), then Wendy's, and then Burger King with that awesome new Angus burger. I miss Hardees on the east coast as I would put them ahead of BK. Carl's has great ads though...
For non meat days eating fast food, it is hard to beat Mickey D's fruit and yogurt parfait. That yogurt is amazing.

By Blogger Lushy, at 6/30/2004 6:26 PM  


Here is the next burger challenge. Forget the two double quarter pounders man!
http://www.sungazette.com/wire/pawirestory.asp?articleID=2784&postdate=6/30/2004

By Blogger Lushy, at 6/30/2004 6:41 PM  


finely diced onionsUgh, yeah, that's another reason I hate McD's, not a fan of their toppings. A half pound of mustard and ketchup, not so good.

BK should get some points for the friesOh, I agree there, BK never gets the respent they deserve for their fries... but...

excessive mayo heaped on the WhopperI'm in the minority who loves mayo on my burgers... yeah, I'm moving to Canada any day now.

if you left Islands off intentionally, that is unforgivable.Sorry, never heard of it...

Also-- the comment about Carls? Really supports the overly-hyped 'If it doesn't get all over the place.." campaign. Knock it off, please-- I don't want that coming back!! Oh man, it's so true though! I love making a mess when eating...half the fun in a Carl's Jr. burger is licking one's fingers throughout the meal.

followed by Fatburger I don't think I've ever been to a Fatburger, but isn't that more of a restaurant?

From the artcile: 6 pounds of beef, one large onion, two whole tomatoes, a half a head of lettuce, 1 1/4 pounds of cheese, top and bottom buns, and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, relish, banana peppers and pickles. Oh. My. God. I think I could die happy after eating that... come to think of it, I probably would.

By Blogger Holz, at 7/01/2004 9:28 AM  


Damnit, I hate HTML.

By Blogger Holz, at 7/01/2004 9:43 AM  


Fatburger is totally #1 and is fast food for sure. There burgers almost make you sick when you're all said and done with them, but sick in that good, post-Thanksgiving dinner way. Hmmm, we should see if there is one by you for this weekend.

By Blogger Melissa, at 7/01/2004 10:19 AM  


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Watching:
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Who Am I?
Name: Holz
Home: Sonoma County, California
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UWing Systems Design Specialist
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"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole."
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