I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Why I've Gotten So Fat  

As always, I'm in the middle of some form of dieting, and as always, I fall of the wagon with ease (I'm honestly thinking of cooking up this meal-from-heaven Bren pointed me to earlier today). The amazing thing is, looking back in highschool, I was a stick... even in college, after packing on the freshman-fifteen, I was probably underweight for my height. Since then of course, after living up the bachelor pad lifestyle, I've gotten in so big... well, honestly, I've just gotten really big. And I think I've figured out why:

1) I consider Pop-Tarts to be a food group. Cherry, Strawberry, Cinnamon, even the elusive Blueberry.

2) I balance a large salad with an actual meal. I'll go to KFC or something, get their salad, put minimal-to-no dressing on it, then follow it up with another combo meal. The worst is at Little Caeser's. Order a full pizza, and get their huge salad... polish off the green, and the whole pizza is still gone by the time I leave for work the next day.

3) Working out consists of parking further away from an entrance to work/department store, and walking the extra 100 feet. This is changing, as I am trying to get back into an actual program before softball starts up in full swing... but we'll see how long that lasts.

4) Ordering light beer doesn't work when you down six of them.

5) The few calories a couch potato may loss in a week searching for a missing remote are still on me as I have my controllers on a leash tied to the table next to my bed.

6) Two bowls of pasta and creamy soup are my alternative to eating fast food every night. I've thought about going on Atkins, but I remember how friends who have gone on it have become psychopaths, and I have enough dysfuntionalities to blame a future break on, I don't need to add a loss of carb intake into the mix.

7) Going out to eat at an all-you-can-eat salad bar sounds good in practice, but when your trip consists of one large plate of vegetables followed by four consecutive trips to the macaroni-and-cheese bar, it kinda defeats the purpose.

8) Have not learned that hibernation only works for bears.

9) Tell myself that exercise is a four-letter word, doubled, so that makes it that much worse.

10) Time that could be spent burning off this afternoon's slice of cheese is spent writing up excuses for my fat ass.

Anyway, I'm determined that this is my last bitching post about my weight. Time to do something about it. Alot more salads, with alot more water to fill up my stomach (I'm a big fan of flavored water, like Propel and Flavorsplash). Stop watching Stargate from 6-7 every night when you know you've seen every episode numerous times. If this time is just spent walking around the neighborhood, so be it, but get the hell outta the house. And finally, something my 'rents probably won't like, but I'm planning on getting on a diet-pill regimen again, most likely Trimspa. If there was one thing Hydroxycut did for me was that it solidified a routine, and once I got off of it, I got away from working out.

I'm tired of this... I'm tired of getting winded tying my shoes. I'm tired of ordering an additional combo number at fast food joints. I'm simply tired of just being tired, and I'm through.

And this time... I mean it.

posted by Holz | 2:41 PM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (9)


That's cool about the diet and all. Work hard, stay focused, you can do it!
Just realize that the next time you come visit, we are totally making the meal-from-heaven. Who else would try that with me?

By Blogger Melissa, at 4/14/2005 4:32 PM  

I'd try it once, though I'm sure I wouldn't be able to finish it. I actually caught myself thinking about how I'd manage to grill it. So bad....

By Blogger Kate, at 4/14/2005 5:48 PM  

Stick with it man. I looked at my bad habits, picked one at a time, decided how I wanted to change it, and turned that bad habit into a good one. It works slowly at first, but once you get rolling and get into a routine, it all becomes easier. By changing my habits, essentially all I've done is eaten healthier and excercised more. I've lost a bunch of weight since college, and I'm in the best shape of my life. I classify myself officially as an "engine of destruction"


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4/14/2005 6:28 PM  

Holz, this flies in the face of established wisdom, but diets don't work. Will PM you some stuff over the weekend.

Atkins works, if (and ONLY if) you're hyperinsulinemic, but carries potential long term health risks, is prone to caloric abuse by people who don't "get" it, and yeah, the suddent drastic carb lowering makes you a little nuts. (Plus, your gas will become absolutely vile for about 2 weeks or so while your digestion gets used to the new stuff, but no one ever tells you that in the books)

And I'm totally with your parents in thinking pills aren't the answer. Damn, but that's another thing that sucks about America. "YOU ALL NEED PILLS!! WE SAY SO!!!" screaming at you from the TV until you believe it must be true.

By Blogger Manchild, at 4/15/2005 3:35 AM  

Darn straight, man! Go for it! If a fat lazy slob like me can lose the weight(twice) then so can you. MC is right about the gas thing (Gas-X is your friend) and the caloric abuse. The only thing I have to say is that a lessened apetite is one of the side effects as well so the caloric abuse goes away after a couple days. At least it did for me. I would shy away from the chemical methods and just stick with altering your intake. If you're interested in low carb, I have a couple recipes that are essential for success. Krista has mastered them now. :)

And just as side note, that comma in my first sentence could totally change the meaning if it was shifted just one word to the left. :)

By Blogger Stan, at 4/15/2005 4:47 AM  

Stan, you mention that a reduced appetite is one of the side effects.

Just want to point out that this is true, again, only if you were hyperinsulinemic. Once your blood levels get fixed in the first few days, you stop crashing and getting "ravenous" etc...

But it won't do anything for someone who is not insulin-insensitive, or who eats
a) Out of Habit
b) Out of Boredom
c) Regardless of how hungry or full they are

Holz, if you fall into these categories, Atkins could help you gain many pounds a week, easy.

By Blogger Manchild, at 4/15/2005 10:24 AM  

This is is hilarious, or really f'n sad, but I was looking over past blog entries, and almost 2 years to the day, I posted an identitical "promise".

By Blogger Holz, at 4/15/2005 2:54 PM  

Is hyperinsulinaemic a medical condition? If my apetite did in fact drop, does that mean I have something wrong with me? I'm curious now?

By Blogger Stan, at 4/18/2005 3:55 AM  

It's a word used to describe those who are insulin resistant. "Insulin resistance" is the term you would look for, if you wanted to read up on this condition.

If you have it, then Atkins can work for you. Unfortunately it's also a precursor to Type II diabetes. (Adult onset diabetes)

So if you think you have it, get yourself checked out, and definitely lose the weight.

By Blogger Manchild, at 4/18/2005 1:59 PM  

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The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
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Who Am I?
Name: Holz
Home: Sonoma County, California
About Me: I'm a comfortador.
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Ozymandias, DrOzymandias, Darth Angelus, Darque Feonix, Trip McNeely
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"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole."
100 Bullets #42