I Am John's Stomach Pains.

On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering

Friday, January 19, 2007

Movies of 2006: Thank God 2007 is Here  

I wouldn't say 2006 was a let-down year for me, but it was the first one in a long time that I had a hard time picking my top ten flicks. Usually it's battle between 15 or so for the final spots, but this year, after I got my top 7 outta the way, I realized that the final bottom three were difficult to pick. Do I go with the start ratings I gave at the time? I had a helluva lotta 3.5 star movies, and I just found it impossible to include them on my favorite's list... so flicks like X3, Slither, The Departed, The Last Kiss, and Little Miss Sunshine didn't make the cut because there were just too many I scored higher at the time.

Sadly, while I enjoyed alot of movies this year, and didn' t hate many, aside form my top 5, nothing really blew me away. Thankfully, with Spider-Man 3, Transformers, and the final Pirates movie, along with tons of other events, this year just looks awesome.

My Favorite of the Year

10) The Devil Wears Prada - One of the best chick-flick's I've seen in years, just really amazing performances from all the women in the cast, a surprisingly engrossing story, genuine gut-bustingly funny line ("I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight"), and I can admit it, some excellent costumes.

9) Rocky Balboa - I'm a bad Philly-boy, in that Rocky has never really been a staple of my movie lexicon, but I gotta say the finale to the franchise worked on every level for me. It may not be the most original story (all nostalgia, really), might not have the best acting, but it certainly made me love the character all over again. That scene outside the bar between father and son is one of my favorite of the year, and reminded me that while Sly isn't a drama-great, his depiction of Rocky is one of the strongest to survive over the years

8) Lady in the Water - One of the more splinter-causing flicks of the year, but I really enjoyed it. I was wary at the idea of a "bed-time story", especially after the crapfest that was The Village, but this movie was a pleasant surprise, a modern-day fantasy that - aside from the egotism of M. Night - totally had me engrossed.

7) Brick - Another movie that turned out to be a love-it-or-leave-it flick... I've seen it on some favorite lists, as well as some worst of the year lists. Maybe it's 'cause I just hadn't seen a good old fashioned film noir flick since The Usual Suspects, this Dawson's Creek-meets-Double Indemnity sated my appetite for something I didn't know I wanted. You can get lost in the dialogue a bit, but it was totally worth it

6) Children of Men - I think the thing that surprised me the most about this movie is just how depressing it is. Not only for the world inhabited by the characters, but for the itch in the back of your brain that the dystopia is quite possible. Alfonso Cuaron delivers easily the most beautiful film of the year, with two of the most stunning scenes captured that I can ever remember. The car attack was impressive, but it was the single tracking shot through the detainment camp at the end of the movie, as Theo braves finding Kee, that forced me not to blink for a good ten minutes. Just phenomenal.

5) V For Vendetta - Another dystopia set in Britain... damn that place is destined for a downturn soon. Loved the flick, a surprisingly subtle comic book movie with explosive fight scenes (and just outright explosives). The actors brought there A-game, and it was just a fun movie.

4) Superman Returns - Surprised that this isn't on more people's list, because aside from some problems I had with how they treated the effects kryptonite, it delivered a kick-ass comic book film that I'd rank up there with the best. Still wish they had gotten someone (anyone) other than Kate Bosworth for Lois Lane, because she was the weakest part of the flick.

3) Snakes on a Plane - Screw all the haters and all the people who scoffed, but this delivered on everything I could ever want. It didn't pretend to be anything other than what it was, and I loved every single second off it. I think my 33 word review of the midnight showing sums it up nicely: "Mother-Fucking Ball-Ripping Good Time!!! A Movie That Will Bite Off Your Head, Fist-Fuck Your Throat, And Then Sew Your Head Back On So You Can Tell Everyone About The Experience."

2) Casino Royale - Being a child of the 80's, I grew up with Timothy Dalton as my Bond, and followed Brosnan with a passion. I've never seen a Moore Bond, and only portions of Connery Bond. So take it with a grain of salt when I say Daniel Craig gives my favorite Bond performance, in my favorite Bond movie ever! The chase-scene at the beginning summed it up so nicely. You can be the most agile villain, flashy in every respect, but Bond will barrel through all barriers to get to you. True, the movie had the cliche poker-hand-to-end-all-poker-hands scene, but I didn't care, 'cause Bond had finally gotten away from the crap baccarat to a game I could actually follow! The best action movie of the century!

1) Clerks II - When I am not bowing at the alter of Joss Whedon, or Bruce Campbell, I'm bowing down to Kevin Smith. I can admit I hopped onto the original Clerks bandwagon a little late... I think it was my highschool pal Sam who actually introduced me to it on video, but since then the man has been my geek idol. Be it movies, TV, comics... I will follow the man into the depths of chick-flicks itself (Catch and Release, in theaters January 26th!). Anyway, this was the only comedy this year that had me leaving in pain from laughing so hard (sorry, Borat, you just didn't pain me). I got the DVD for X-Mas and can't wait to watch all the extras and commentary, they always deliver.

Aside from the one's I missed above, others that I enjoyed but misses the cut include Jackass #2 and The Breakup... while I gave 'em both 4 stars, be hard for me to put 'em on my favorites list.

Worst of the Year

5) The Pursuit of Happyness - Okay, Worst is too harsh... it was a sweet story, and well told, but man did it drag on and on. Just made me almost scream at the screen "Get On With It!", Python-style.

4) Scary Movie 4 - These flicks are just becoming straight year-in-review parodies, and it's a bit tired. Just blah. I did like Craig Bierko though, and cool to see him on Boston Legal now.

3) The Sentinel - This one is on the list because it had such potential. Great cast, interesting premise, but it fell apart really quickly for me. A Secret Service conspiracy cannot be boring... I'm amazed they were able to do it.

2) Edison Force - Direct-to-DVD flick, that couldn't be saved by a killer cast. Picture a film adaptation of the video game Time Crisis and you have the first 5 minutes of the flick, and the last 5 minutes of the flick. In between you have Justin Timberlake in his debut performance looking like a deer stuck in the headlights. Poor guy.

1) Pulse - What is it about my favorite TV actresses performing in just painfully horrible horror flicks. SMG, The Grudge; Katie Holmes, Disturbing Behavior; and now Kristen Bell in a movie that appears grainy throughout, is poorly lighted, a cast that appears to have learned their lines that day hour, and a plot that makes absolutely no sense throughout, and is explained in an almost throwaway fashion in the end. Not worth even a so-bad-its-good recommendation

Movies I missed that I really still want to see, that I think had a chance of making the list include: Thank You For Smoking, United 93, World Trade Center, An Inconvenient Truth, A Scanner Darkly, and The Fountain (plus about 50 more to many to include). Not to mention the two I hope to be seeing in the next week or so, Pan's Labyrinth, and Mike Judge's shitcanned Idiocracy (now on DVD!)


posted by Holz | 12:02 PM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (6)


I can not believe that you did not put Harry Potter as one of the movies to look forward to in 2007. That's it, it's over! :)

By Blogger Kristine, at 1/20/2007 11:32 PM  

I wish I could comment, but I've only seen one of all the movies you listed.


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/21/2007 4:58 PM  

Seriously, and Shrek 3...ok so maybe not Shrek 3, but Harry Potter is a definite hit.

I didn't like Superman returns. I kept wanting Cyclops to just eye-blast Superman into dust. Inconsistencies and Crap-Lois were total turn-offs. Lex was about the only good part, and not enough to redeem this.

I actualyl agree with V for Vendetta. The mroe I think about that movie, the more I liked it.

By Blogger Stan, at 1/22/2007 4:57 AM  

Didn't care much for Devil wears Prada. And I'm really looking forward to Rocky Balboa, after reading sly's interview with aintitcoolnews.com

V for Vendetta was good, but not great.

Superman Returns though.... My god.
I loved the original movie, and was really keen to see this one. I was hopping in the seat when I realised they were using the same theme tune in the opening credits.

But the movie was so dull, I fell asleep twice during it.


Recently, I got a DVD copy, and decided I'd force myself to watch it all. I fell asleep again. Only thanks to the power of rewind, I could go back and see how long it took for me to fall asleep in front of the movie.

12 minutes.

That movie was frakkin awful.

Clerks 2 was pretty damn good though. I want to see Clerks 3 in another 10 years.

By Blogger Manchild, at 1/22/2007 9:08 AM  

I realize I'm actually in the minority when it comes to Superman Returns, but I just remember loving so much about it, I was able to ignore the problems...

Much like Episode 1, I guess :-)

Oh, and just a note, I intentionally left off Harry Potter simply to make Kristine mad :-)

By Blogger Holz, at 1/22/2007 11:18 AM  

"Oh, and just a note, I intentionally left off Harry Potter simply to make Kristine mad :-)"

Nice! Way to get off on the left foot! ;)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/22/2007 2:46 PM  

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