On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering
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| I Am John's Stomach Pains. On The Precipice of Mediocrity, Teetering |
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007 To Whom It May Concern To the person who called me before 6am this morning: I understand that it's possible to call a wrong number once. Listen, I'll even allow the second call that goes to voicemail, in which you clearly here my name mentioned as to the number in question. But to call a third time in less than two minutes is simply unacceptable. Fuck You. And I won't even get into the irony of the fact that you were calling from a headache-medicine company. Listen, I need my beauty sleep. You think my adonis-ness can survive on six hours alone? To the mother who allowed her daughters to pass in front of us at the movie theater a dozen times: I understand that Fantastic Four is a kids movie, and I should allow some type of leeway for children's behavior. And if your kids go out for food, then come back, that's fine. Even a bathroom break, I'd understand. But the next four times, running back and forth... what the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with your kids that they can't sit still for 10 fucking minutes? And to top it all off, you family of fucking degenerates have the gall to have conversations each time they return from whatever "adventure" they've been on? Fuck You. Wait at least a week before going to see the latest flick, and allow us to enjoy the flick in peace. The only reason I didn't bitch at you right then and there was that I was still enjoying the Taco Bell I'd brought in, and didn't want that to be an issue. To the critics and fanboys who are lambasting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver: I really don't understand the hatred. The flick is just as much fun as the last one, which some of you remember I also thoroughly enjoyed. I think alot of people are just expecting high art from these things now, when it's just good old-fashioned popcorn fun. Johnny and Ben still have great chemistry, the one-liners and funny visual gags are still ever present (my biggest gripe with the Spider-Man flicks has been the absence of humor), and the basic premise of the FF, a family in constant cosmic crisis is perfect. The complaint I've been hearing is the petty bickering that's going on when they try to save the world... that's exactly how the comic book is, and has been for 40 years! Quit your whining, and enjoy the introduction of one of the coolest Marvel characters to the masses. Now all we need is Squirrel Girl to make an appearance and I'll be happy. 4 out of 5 Stars (but you can wait for DVD). To Judd Apatow: Thank you. Thank you for just being you. You haven't disappointed me yet. Knocked Up was just as good as the people who caught advanced viewings have been saying for months. Great dialogue, that didn't feel at all Tarantino-forced. Great cast, with Seth Rogan moving up in the race as a suitable Tom Hanks replacement. Katherine Heigl is still a favorite of mine, and she even delivered the funny. BTW, if you haven't caught the special deleted scenes found on YouTube yet (Dr. Kuni, Brokeback), you gotta. Solid 4 out of 5. Can't wait for Rogan's Superbad. Labels: bitching, movies, review posted by Holz | 11:37 AM | Rant & Rave, Bitches! (5)5 Comments:
Shrek had the same stream of "I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy." moments. Luckily, or unluckily, we were sitting so close to the screen that we had to look up real far so we could just look over the passers-by.
By Tag, you're it. Read my blog. I guess this means you might post more than twice a month. ;)
By John, This is your Grandmother. I love you dearly but your mouth is a garbage can.Congratulations to you and Kristine. You sound very happy. We couldn't be happier for you. Love, Grandmom
By I totally agree with your grandma....your mouth is a garbage can!! However, I will admit your daily usage of this language has improved drastically over the last year, but is still not totally clean. Next, you just have to work on your writing and learn to use different words :)
By
OUCH...tag teamed!..."your mouth is a garbage can"..Priceless!
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"Let a man get away with fuckin' you once, you stay bent over so's he can fuck you again whenever he damn well pleases. An' if one man can do it? Another will too. An' another, an' another still. So's being fucked, that's yer life. 'Til who you were, you ain't. 'Cause all you are is an asshole." 100 Bullets #42 | |||||
